Friday, August 29, 2008

Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Abuse

Step 1: Buy a New Motorcycle with 1 mile on it.
Step 2: Load a bunch of stuff on the back, too much for it to feel stable is key.
Step 3: Ride across the continent, stop to take failed self portrait in Montana.
Step 4: Lose muffler in Yukon, arrive in Whitehorse deaf.Step 5: Use a one page map to go 3,500 miles, get lost once or twice.
Step 6: Ride in the rain, make grumpy face
Step 7: Ride the Haul Road north to Prudhoe bay, 250 miles between 'camps' where gas can be had, I only lost three bolts due to rough roads, I only fell off twice. Others had worse luck.

Step 8: Fall over, fall off, drop it, whatever. Thats what crash bars are for.
Step 9: Kick stands don't work in mud.
Step 10: Get stuck, really stuck. This is why you don't try to ford rivers on motorcycles.
Step 11: Dig
Step 12: Use a tow strap to pull it out of the hole you created. Recruit people passing by to help you pull it out of the hole.
Step 13: Use it to haul anything and everything. A Schwinn and a bb gun anyone?
Step 14: Put Motorcycle away for the winter with 12,000+ miles on it.

2 comments:

Jason said...

Bah! You're such a weekend warrior rider. poser.

Anonymous said...

Who needs a kick-stand when you have that kind of mud to hold your bike up for you.